Balance

I have none.

I guess it's better to take to this blog to gripe than to post it all over Facebook. I had a long post all typed out and I realized I don't want to sound whiney. But, seriously, I am SO over this stupid concussion recovery.

My mom had a rather stunning epiphany regarding my condition that I hadn't considered. She'd gone to the temple last week, and had been praying about relief for me from my pain. As she sat pondering it occurred to her that without the pain, I'd be doing all the things--shopping, dr/dentist appts for the kids, work, etc. In the long run, not resting and relieving my brain would cause more damage than I did when I hit my head on the counter.

Because duh. Of course I would. I would do all the things. If I was physically able you can be darn sure I wouldn't be sitting here and letting everybody do things for me. And what damage would I cause to myself? What further injury?

Do you realize that means the PAIN IS A GOOD THING?

It helps me recognize my limitations. It, of course, took my mom saying it until I realized it. I've just been griping about how limited I am right now. Grumble. Mumble. Grr.

Think about it like having a pulled muscle in your arm. You have to rest it. You have to be careful with how much you extend it. Naturally you want to use it, need to use it, but you have to be patient with your recovery because, if you push, you can cause more damage than your initial injury.

The problem is that resting my mind is basically resting my entire self. And after two months of being down, my muscles are starting to atrophy. I'm becoming weaker. We've been talking to my Dr about my moving more--taking it easy, of course, but working on rebuilding my strength. Because, right now, today, if I went to work I'd never make it. Maybe I'd last an hour if I moved slowly.

So yesterday I walked 3/4 of a mile. And it was hard, but I was being careful. I went three laps around the track After the second lap I felt like I could go on, but in the middle of the third lap I was done. I finished it because I was equidistant from the entrance either way. Today, not wanting to lose the ground I'd gained physically, I got on the treadmill and went a half mile. It was hard. My head started aching about a third of the way in, but I wanted to do at least a half mile because that's hardly anything.. I've walked 4, 5 miles in a day. Over 20 miles a week. A half mile in a day?

Yeah, no. Right now my head is pounding, the pain is not responding to my medication, the computer hurts (why am I typing this long thing if it's hurting me? I dunno. I just want to get it off my chest). I'm nauseated because of the pain.. I feel pretty much how I did in the days after my injury.

And that's ridiculously frustrating all by itself because I want to BE BETTER NOW. I know, and you know, that patience is not my best quality. But, seriously?

Okay. I'm done.