I often take advantage of the fact that this blog doesn't see a lot of traffic. This is why I haven't posted any of the most recent family issues on Facebook. Because I want to vent--so, so badly--but I don't want to worry my casual friends and writer friends.
I don't actually want to worry anyone. Seriously. Because I know that this storm will pass. I just want to vent. I want to express frustration. So I'm here.
Did you know the week before our trip to AZ the washing machine broke? Did you know I had to use the money we'd saved for the trip to pay for my sons to take drivers ed, had to make some last minute wedding attire changes, and had to do some vehicle work? Money sucks, it's always an issue, and there never seems to be enough of it.
Bryan changed jobs in April because he was working for a great guy who always had issues keeping his truck running. Problem, when you're the driver, because if the truck doesn't work then the driver doesn't make money. So in an effort to improve our financial situation he took a job driving in south Texas. There was a miscommunication about how he got paid, so we were under the misapprehension that he'd get paid in the first half of May. So that was the money we planned to use on our trip.
It worked, sorta. But it wasn't until the end of May that we found out we'd misunderstood the pay situation. By that time, mostly due to the fact that Bryan likes to shower regularly and that he really hates being away from his family, he'd applied for and received a new job. Doing the same basic thing but closer to home. Now he's home every night. He's gone 14 hrs a day, but he's home every night. And he has Sundays off.
Sounds great, right? Except for the fact that we screwed up majorly in the understanding of how we'd get paid, took a big trip (how do you not tell your daughter you won't be at her wedding? You don't) and even though we pinched every possible penny--including having to get a new tire--we had no money left to live on by the end of May. I didn't even get my mom her Mothers Day gift because I was afraid we were spending too much money.
It's June 3rd. The washer is still broken. We've got less than $200 in the bank. Bryan won't see a paycheck from his new job until July. I know it will pass. I'm doing better than I was last week. Last week I was a mess. My poor father in law came over the day I found out Bryan won't get paid till July. I think I scared him a little. ;) I wasn't much better the next day when we went up to the church. It was a process.
Here's the thing. I've reached my limit. I'm sick of relying on other people (meaning a job and wages) to support the family. This is my line in the sand. We've hit this financial brick wall over and over again and I'm done. I had to put off my son's braces. Again. My oldest can't get his drivers license right now because I can't afford it. He also won't get braces until college. And the birthday trips two of my kids were going to take later this summer can't happen. I was going to go car shopping this August, but now we'll have to pray our cars hold together for a few more months.
There are some things I have to pay for this month, things I can't put off. We've gotten some help and if we're careful I'm pretty sure we can pull through.
In short, you're going to see some changes. I'm going to be a much quieter online presence in June as I work out some issues and make some adjustments in my life. And you're only going to know about it because you came here to read my personal blog. You, the select few.