Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Sick Season

This week, I can count on one hand (barely) the members of my family who are sick. In fact--only 2 of us aren't sick, and one of those was really sick a little over a week ago. We're a mess of coughs, runny noses, etc. I've been sick for almost 2 weeks, been to the doctor, and am ready to be better now.

I'm not telling you all of this for sympathy. I'm not even griping. :)

This just happens to be what we're dealing with right now. We go through this almost every January. The kids bring home all sorts of fun viruses and bugs from their interactions at school, and we--being the loving family we are--share copiously.

The one thing that bothers me about being sick is my energy level. I can handle the symptoms with medicines and all that, but I can't do anything about being tired all the time. Really, really tired. My limbs feel heavier, like they take more energy to make work, and--being the mom--it's not like I can just stop.

My editing has fallen about a week behind, which makes me mad. But, I don't feel like making dinner, baking or playing with the kids. It kinda stinks.

But, here in a week or so, we'll all start to feel better. And we'll be able to enjoy those days during the UT winter where it warms up to about 40 degrees or so, and the sun shines.

That will be lovely.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Why Does my Daughter Not Look 6 Anymore?

How exactly does this happen? You find yourself looking at your child in the months before their birthday, and think, "You are looking older now."

I find myself curious if this is a physiological change in them, or a psychological change in me.

I mean, she's still 6. Until April 21st, she's still 6. But she doesn't LOOK like a 6-yr-old anymore. Especially after her 9-yr-old sister did her hair today.

Sometimes, I miss my baby. Particularly over the last two years, she's morphed into this amazing, adorable, caring little girl. She's no baby, anymore.

It's moments like this where I remind myself, "They don't stay young forever. Capture it while you can!"

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Coming Down

My family does this every time. And you'd think I'd get used to it. Or at least know to prepare for it.

Well, I do know that last one. Sort of.

My stepdaughter, now that she's 19 and in college, doesn't come visit as often as she used to. But, every time, the kids yearn to spend as much time with her as possible. To that end, they try to squeeze a year's worth of time into a week or so. It's pretty crazy.

Now that we're on the winding-down side of her visit this time, tempers are getting short, separation anxiety is building, and we're all talking about the next time she will come.

This is the hardest part about living away from a part of your family. If she lived here, it would take years for the kids to get used to her being here--and of course, now that she's an adult, that isn't going to happen.

This is the part of love that hurts. And we're going to be aching come Sunday.

But I'd do it all over again. She's worth it.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Hey There!

We're really excited over here this week. Today I'll run up to the airport and pick up my stepdaughter for a visit. I have serious doubts my kids will be able to focus on anything at school today. Their little brains will be too busy reciting, "Sissy's coming! Sissy's coming! Sissy's coming!" Good thing they don't have cell phones-they'd be calling me. "Is she on the plane yet? Has the plane taken off?"

I don't think I can grin big enough. Still too tired.

Last night, I started wearing a mouth guard because I grind my teeth in my sleep. It's a stress thing--I grind my teeth even when I think I'm having a relaxing night. Lately, it's been really troubling my husband and I finally decided to listen to him. I carry a lot of tension through my jaw even when I'm awake, and sometimes have to consciously check and see if I need to relax it.

There's a lot going on that stresses me. Money issues are always high on the list. We'd been waiting for a while for a substantial check, only to learn just before Christmas it won't be coming at all. I'm also struggling with time issues. It's been hard for me these last few months to set up and stick to a writing schedule that fits into everything else I need to do in the day.

The conclusion I've come to is something has to go. I have to lighten my load. And I'm not happy about the decisions I have to make, but I know in my heart it's for the best. That's not going to make it easy, though. And most of the issues I'm having is that it's going to hurt people I care about, and cause them extra work.

But, as a mother, I have a primary responsibility to my family. My children. And I need to keep that in focus. As a Child of God, I have a responsibility to fulfill my roll in God's plan on this earth. That's the writing and publishing books. And in these latter days, I feel time is of the essence. People I care about will question the practicality and logic of my decisions--some of them anyway--but I have to do what I know is right for me and mine.

There's also the serious health issues going on in my extended family. We are at a loss how we can adequately provide support to those giving the care, while extending our love and thoughts to those who are ill. Distance and money are the handicaps there.

So, when I lay me down to sleep every night, my mind fills with all the things that need to happen, that aren't happening, and that should happen. It's little wonder I grind my teeth, isn't it?