Being the Best Me

There have been a lot of personal affirmations floating around Facebook. Some are pretty good, and I like to pass those along. Others are trite, obvious or downright stupid. But everyone is different, and just because I don't like one doesn't mean it's not doing someone some good.

Just to keep you updated, today I start Alma. I've read 8 books in the B of M in the last week. Alma is where I always bog down, but if I read about 50 pages a day I'll be done by the end of the week. I knew it would help me, but I didn't realize all the ways it would help.

For one, I'm more patient. I don't get as frustrated as QUICKLY when the kids are acting up, bickering or being sassy.

Two, my vision is so much clearer. I'm not talking about my physical vision. When I look at my daughter, the one who's caused me so much angst over the last several weeks, I see the Daughter of God she is and not the stubborn, willful child. Being able to see her true worth has made me so much better for her.

It's been a really rough couple of months, but it's almost over. Bryan is coming HOME and will be here Wednesday, so I'm stepping up my goal. I'm going to finish the B of M before he gets here. Shouldn't be that hard. After Alma, which will be done this week, there are only 6 books left, and a couple of them are super short. I know reading scripture like I read novels isn't getting me all the book has to offer, but it's brought a marked improvement to my life.

And, when I'm done, I can just start over again. :)

In the Trenches

There are some days I can't believe I signed up for this. Being a mom is hard.

Yesterday was one of those days. I cried off and on all day. I couldn't write. Finally, that afternoon I sat down and read an entire section of The Book of Mormon. Did you know 1st Nephi is 53 pages long? You do now. I finished the last three chapters in Moroni and just flipped back to the beginning.

The Book of Mormon shall be your textbook. That's from my Patriarchal Blessing. Yesterday was a day I really needed it.

You know those movies, particularly old WWII movies, where the kid too young to enlist fakes his age and signs up anyway? You know, deep in the trenches in the middle of a firefight, at some point this kid has to be thinking, "I can't believe I signed up for this!"

Yes, I'm likening motherhood to WWII. Because some days there are victories and glory, but most days it's just trench warfare. And marching. Lots of tedious, repetitive marching. (For me, "marching" is the repetitive chores like dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, getting kids to do homework, etc)

You don't have to agree with me. It's okay. I won't be offended.

I have a new goal, though. I'm going to read The Book of Mormon in October. Because I need it.

See you on the other side. Maybe next week I'll have a "victory" day.

When They're Helping...

I have an uber-helpful 7 yr old.

I mean, if it's there to be done she'll do it--whether she's physically capable or not. And it totally ruins her day if you say no. I mean, seriously. Her emotions are all or nothing. For the record, I have yet to SEE the "nothing" stage. She's seriously awesome, if a little intense. :)

Conversely, my 9 yr old daughter behaves as though helping out is a teeth pulling exercise. She'd rather be doing ANYTHING else, which is why--in large part--I want to be sure she's part of this new project I'm working on. I want her to realize the joys of having a charitable heart, so that she can grow up to be a compassionate person.

I know a lot of these stages are age related, but my older daughter has always been a touch more self-absorbed than the other kids. So I realize teaching her charity will require more effort on my part than reinforcing the behavior of her sister. It's just further proof that children, even when raised in the same environment, are individuals who will process the same bits of information differently.

Kids are cool. And they are worth the effort. I love both my girls, but there's no way I'm going to say they are the same. :)

Why Does my Daughter Not Look 6 Anymore?

How exactly does this happen? You find yourself looking at your child in the months before their birthday, and think, "You are looking older now."

I find myself curious if this is a physiological change in them, or a psychological change in me.

I mean, she's still 6. Until April 21st, she's still 6. But she doesn't LOOK like a 6-yr-old anymore. Especially after her 9-yr-old sister did her hair today.

Sometimes, I miss my baby. Particularly over the last two years, she's morphed into this amazing, adorable, caring little girl. She's no baby, anymore.

It's moments like this where I remind myself, "They don't stay young forever. Capture it while you can!"

Ooookay...maybe it can all be Sunshine and Puppy Dogs

I adore this beautiful child of mine. I truly do. After my previous post, admittedly written during extreme frustration and confusion, my adoring daughter has been the picture of wonderfulness. Is that even a word?

Regardless of my dubious vocabulary, she's been a gem. I admit this is mostly based on her own reports of her behavior, but she's done all her class work and all her homework, she's been cheery and pleasant. I rewarded her good behavior with a little personal time today, and even that was fun.

So, other things crept into my head. Is she bipolar? manic depressive? Multiple personalities? (No, wait, that's my son)

This is what happens when an author with a violently overactive imagination has children, by the way.

We had a dark moment, but it doesn't even bother me that much, because after reasoning her through her emotional overreaction (no I didn't call it that, she was crying her eyes out because she wasn't going to the sitter's. I consider that an emotional overreaction) she was just fine. That's improvement. Last week a similar episode would have put her in a dark funk for days.

What happened to cause this change in her, you may ask? Well, we had a talk. Her daddy and I sat her down and told her we've been trying to think of some way to help her be more even tempered, do better in school and not be so hard on herself. One of the options we've considered is sending her to her aunt and uncle's (who happen to live around the corner from Gramma and Papa)for an extended period of time to give her a different perspective of the world around her. She likes this idea. But now that she's being such a gem, I'm rethinking it. For many reasons.

Ah, the life of a parent. Just think--when I'm dead, maybe I'll stop worrying.

It can't all be Sunshine and Puppy Dogs

It does not bode well to me that my 8 yr old daughter and I already have semi-epic clashes. We are two forces of will, but when we are at odds--watch out.

I love my girl. She's dynamic, independent and brilliant. She is also stubborn, intractable and devious. She'll get an idea in her head and nothing will shake it. While that superpower can be used for good, she doesn't always apply it like that.

And the thing that worries me most, sometimes she'll say things like she's stupid, ugly or worthless. And it's difficult to shake her from these funks when they set in.

This isn't about her being obedient. She doesn't have to do everything I say the way I say it. But she is giving her school teacher fits, and both her teacher and I are at our wits' end as to what to do about her.

Kindergarten was great. She loved it. But ever since first grade, she's decided if she doesn't want to do something she shouldn't have to do it. Nothing could be further from the truth, but my stubborn little girl is winning this battle. Now more than half way through third grade, the only reason she's passing anything is a combination of adult tenacity and her superior test scoring.

Girls are a mystery to me. And I am one. This daughter of mine confounds me more than most. She has a younger sister--sweet, loving, enthusiastic about school and success. That's not to say I expect her always to be that way. But I don't want her to follow in her stubborn older sister's footsteps.

It wouldn't upset me so much if I didn't love her to the ends of the earth and back. When raising children, you don't get to give up when it gets hard. You can't let up because you're out of options. So I'm going to keep plugging along. And I never stop looking for ideas on how to get through to her and help her to find her place in this world.